A year has passed since my adventures in Thailand began. Rik and I had planned to spend several months in India. On route to Chennai, we stopped over in Sri Lanka. We never made it to India, Im thankful that we made it home alive.
My troubles in Asia were based on my incessant need to control my surroundings. I grasped anything that brought me feelings of safety, i.e. penny-pinching.
I literally didn’t see the tsunami coming. I caught me by complete surprise. For the first time in my life, I tasted my mortality. I saw how I struggled to maintain control of everything in my life. I discovered that I was not in control. What a bitter discovery, it left me feeling raw.
The best place to begin is right from the beginning. Shortly after returning to Canada, I attended my first teacher training course. The butterflies fluttered the whole way to Edmonton. I knew that this week would change me, but I couldnt comprehend how.
My muscles burned, and behind closed doors – my tears poured. We were in our hotel room when Rik first played this video clip. As soon as I heard my voice re-telling the story, my heart quickened. I wanted to flee, I walked into the closet instead.
Jen sensed my discomfort and gently encouraged me to release my pent up emotions. The tears came fast and furious when I knew that it was okay to let go of them. I lay upon the bed and beneath the warmth of Jen and Anna’s hands I wept.
Some discoveries…The beauty that I admire and the flaws that I protest are projections of my self-love and loathing. My voice will be heard if I believe that it deserves to be heard (I don’t need to rely on drama). Softness is a great strength.